Whos’s who, what’s what, and why…
ÏT Gazetteer: A Guide to the People and Places and whatnot of the Insidiöus Törment Experience…
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Black Blades of the West, the: According to legend, this band of brigands were conquered by Hrotogorth of the North when he undertook his cleansing of the North. With Limërick in hand, victory was swift and sure. Since those days, Limërick has been know as the Bane of the Black Blades of the West.
Blade: supposedly the Claw’s “brother”, but actually simply an alternate personality of the aforementioned character, which he assumes during winter. Wields the mighty blade “Vintersorg” and seems to appear only during the winter.
brontosaur, a: an amphibious, herbivorous dinosaur from the Jurassic period of North America and the Modern period of the Hidden Valley, inside the Hollow Earth.
Brontosaurus: an epic tale, in the form of a musical piece, of the release of the brontosaurs from the Hidden Valley due to the effects of global warming. Part of the so-called Hidden Valley/Hollow Earth trilogy by Insidiöus Törment.
C
Claw, the: 1: Instrument of torture, correction, and general armament of the Moon Trooper. 2: silly barbarian character played by Killer in a role-playing game.
Clones, the: Genetically engineered versions of the Moon Trooper. Though genetically similar, their twisted nature and immense numbers make them “even worse”.
Condign, Vilipend: Archenemy of the duke of Liechtenstein, Ludovic Wittgenstein. Originally his servant, Condign accidentally inhaled a number of potions in the duke’s lab, and his since become twisted, blood lusting and, though nigh immortal, surprisingly weak. For this fate he blames the duke, and hence operates a number of schemes designed to bring about the eternal downfall of Ludovic.
D
DNL, the: see Dolphin Newsletter, the.
Dolphin Newsletter, the: home of many an article about Törment, this lavish publication, sponsored by the English Department, University of Aarhus, is a legendary site of journalistic integrity and quality writing. Many of the now legendary members of the ÏT universe have appeared in its pages, and it continues to be stronghold for ÏT fans all over the globe. See also DNL, the.
E
Emergenza Festival, the: talentshow with huge prizes that ÏT entered to get free bass-strings for OJJ, who had refused ever to purchase a set for as long as his mother was/is still alive. Supported by the mighty Armü, the guys made it to the final at the prestigious Store Vega in Copenhagen. Undaunted by the massive roar of the warlords, the guards of the capital dismissed ÏT without any prizes whatsoever.
F
Fee Metal Festival, Aarhus: a yearly festival of metal at local club Voxhall (in Aarhus) that saw ÏT playing a unique gig (their second at the venue in only a week!) at the 2004 instalment of the festival.
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Hellish Shafts, the: a part of the earth-spanning network of tunnels that lead to the underworld and beyond (including the Hidden Valley & the Hollow Earth). Home to a number of beasts, the best known of which is the Fire Demon, it is also the residence of OJJ. OJJ’s humble accommodation, the so-called “Damp Room”, is often used by Satan, their master, to punish unruly Fire Demons.
Huen: see Stalking Cap.
Hung One: amazing band playing its own, unique brand of heavy metal without any spoof elements whatsoever. Located in a rehearsal studio close to the old haunts of ÏT, their singer owns a PA-system, always sets up all the other band member’s gear, and is never late due to having had sex with somebody. The drummer has his own drum kit, keeps faultless time, and always arrives a good half-hour before the other members of the band. The bass player is never hung-over or drunk during rehearsals or concerts, doesn’t smoke at all, owns his own gear and willingly wears an alien-outfit whenever possible. The guitarist does not play between numbers at rehearsals, has a cool guitar, and pays the rehearsal studio rent. Their fans frequently show up bearing gifts of alcohol and they buy all their CDs. Hung One never loose a competition they enter, and are about to sign a record deal with a major label, with a six-figure sum paid up front.
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Internet, the: apart from being the world’s largest workplace and the home of ÏT’s legendary homepage (www.insidioustorment.com), it is also the haunt of Liechtenstein’s duke Ludovic in his search for a new wife.
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K
Kling-klang: A recording studio in Altburg, Denmark, where ÏT has recorded and mixed on several occasions. Both The Moors of Harschness and 2004’s X-demo were recorded here, and Re-debut: Live at die Buddi Kate was mixed and re-mixed at this location, under the gentle supervision of Frolle.
L
Liechtenstein, the Duke of: Ludovic Wittgenstein, the old duke of the famed dukedom, is a lonesome fellow who resides in a gigantic, cold, and silent mansion near the Rätikon Massif in Liechtenstein. Once a major player on the political scene, he is now scouring the internet for marital bliss and/or a chance to feast on human blood.
Liechtenstein, the Dukedom of: Underdeveloped region in central Europe, located between Switzerland and Austria. Ruled by the Wittgenstein dynasty since the dawn of time, the present duke has not been seen since the end of WW II. Agriculture and fishing provides the basis of a simple economy, the local currency, “Vlad”, is tied to the value of bronze.
Limerick, a: a simple, five-line poem of a humorous nature, traditionally associated with Ireland and Irish culture, but now a scholarly discipline in drinking houses all over the English speaking world.
Limërick, the: epic blade from a time long forgotten now entrusted to the meticulous care of Dave Steel. Rendered nigh indestructible by fate, the blade gives Steel an edge in combat against any foe, as its magic capabilities are far from charted. According to the legend, the blade was forged to vanquish the foes of poetry and the perpetrators of un-rime. Should you happen to face it in combat, repent immediately and surrender, for defeat will surely be yours.
M
Mads G: epic level fan of the band, also the source of such tribute-tunes as “Du minder mig om Mads G…” and other interesting doings.
moon, the: shining orb circling planet Earth, home of the Moon Buggy, the Moon Trooper and the Dark Side of the Moon.
moon buggy, the: vehicle parked illegally on the moon, under continual observation by the residing law enforcement agent.
moon, the dark side of: hazardous terrain for all vehicles travelling without illumination – and that ain’t all razzmatazz either!
Moon Trooper, the: the sole law enforcement agent operating on the moon, on both sides. Transferred from duty on Mars, the trooper hunts intergalactic, interstellar, and interplanetary crooks and criminals – as well as parking offenders – from his residence in the Sea of Serenity. In other areas of space, the final frontier, millions of his clones are screwing your wife doing the same, only even worse.
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O
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Pöller, Rudi: deceased biographer, friend and fan of ÏT. Throughout his life, Rudi was a determined follower of the band, recording many of their opinions for posterity in various magazines (mostly DNL) and also the helmsman of the famed Törment Letterbox in the aforementioned publication. The only photographic reproduction of his likeness indicates that he had a tendency to wear his woollen cap wherever he went. However, his mother, Petra Pöller, has denied that the image depicts her son, claiming instead that it is someone else she knows, though she is unsure exactly who…
prison dimension, the: home of interstellar criminals, thugs, traffic offenders, tag-artists and their henchmen. Escape is nigh impossible as it is uncertain where the dimension is actually located.
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Space Marine, a: a member of the emergency task force of interstellar war, a hardened combat veteran bio-engineered to surpass his humble human origins.
Space Marine Death Machine, the: a further adaptation of the space marine, the Space Marine Death Machine is a near perfect fighting unit, half space marine, half death machine.
Stalking Cap: amazing superhero whose special power is that his face is impossible to remember – hence his identity remains a mystery. Many people have doubted that he exists at all, but his trademark woollen cap seems to pop up everywhere. Also known as “Huen”.
Studenterhuset: A club in Altburg, Denmark, that has seen ÏT perform twice, supported by Björnocatör & Iron Maiden Jam and Björnocatör and Melodic Meltdown, respectively.
T
Thor: God of thunder, god of gore, god of rock’n’roll. Not to be confused with Thror, god of space. Lightning in his heart and thunder in his soul, Thor roams the sky in his chariot driven by flying goats.
Thror: God of space. Not to be confused with Thor, god of thunder, god of gore.
tourbus, the/die: during the immense world tours and transportation to lesser engagements, the tourbus is the home of both the band and their gear, as well as any groupies who might have been induced to come along for a “ride”. Often the subject of ridicule by other artists, the tourbus has so far been an Audi 80 of indiscriminate age or a rental from Revitz Busser.
Twin Töwers of Törment, the: Built by Törment and paid by the revenue generated by their many tours of the far East, the Töwers rise to an incredible height. Located in their home town of Schwarzdorf-ober-Sachsen, one tower is claimed to be invisible. Housing immense studios, flush apartments, steelworks, supercomputers, laboratories and other places where ÏT can wield their magic, it is the true home of all the Törmentörs save OJJ (whose true home is of course the infamous “Damp Room”). The band members have a number of flats, houses and other accommodation scattered all over the planet, but the Töwers’ remain their main hangout.
U
UTV: student-run television “station” in Århus, Dk. Marred by poor production and disruptive cuts, their ½ hour special on the 75th anniversary of the prestigious University of Aarhus featured Törment live as well as in an interesting interview conducted by Sannemaja. Broadcast several times by popular demand, it remains the TV-debut of Insidiöus.
V
Vega, Store: club in Copenhagen, Dk, arguably the most prestigious of rock-clubs in Denmark, and of course, it has felt the weight of Törment. The location of the final of the Emergenza Festival, Törment ripped through an intense ½ hour set to the joy of the audience. However, sissy-bands had brought all their friends and families so ÏT were cheated of the prizes. We will return…
Voxhall: club in Aarhus Denmark, where ÏT has had the unique distinction of being the only artists in the world allowed to play two non-consecutive gigs there in one week… week 18 of 2004 saw ÏT play the semi-finals of the Emergenza Festival as well as the prestigious Århus Fee Metal Festival.
W
Wittgenstein, Ludovic: See Liechtenstein, the duke of.
X
x-factor, the: unknown element in any concoction, relation, object or collection, the effects of which are hard to predict and generally prevent any secure foreseeing of the overall effect or result.
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